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Dear __________
My name is George. I’m an all-around handyman and I’d like for you to feel free to use my services for any and all chores, errands, or duties that you may be too busy to perform. Anytime there is something that needs doing and you would rather not, just let good old George do it.
I’ll write your congressman for you; I’ll write the newspaper editor; I’ll even join your PTA or serve on the school board in your place; I’ll do anything you are too tired or preoccupied to do.
With me around you can be as lazy as you like. Or, you can just have lots of fun - the more the merrier I always say. My services are available to you for all the tedious, time-consuming things you’d rather not do.
You haven’t time to vote; let George do it. You haven’t time for jury duty; I have.
There is certainly no need for you to concern yourself with attending meetings. You don’t want to accept committee assignments and extra responsibilities anyway. Just let good old George tend to those things.
Now you may ask, why should you leave important jobs like these to someone you’ve never met? Well, that’s a reasonable question so let me put your mind at ease.
I’m no beginner. Maybe I’m not as famous as Putin is, but if it hadn’t been for me, you may never have heard of him. And that goes for Khrushchev, Mussolini, Stalin, and Hitler too. I made those guys.
And those big-time racketeers in the United States; you name ‘em – without me those guys would be nothing.
When I’m the guy who runs all these “big wheels” why do I want to run errands for you? Don’t you see – I get a kick out of electing presidents for school boards, PTA’s, unions, and even countries. All these things you used to do before you took up chasing dollars and golf balls and things.
Don’t feel like you are imposing, I’m glad to be of service. In helping you I am really helping myself. How do you think I was able to take over and run a third of the world already? Just because no body else wanted to bother. They said, “Let George do it!” So, I did.
Now I’m taking over in lots of cities and counties in the United States and I figure it’s just a matter of time until I take over this entire country, and I want to thank you for making this possible. Remember now, if there is ever any way in which I can be of service, just let me know. You can just have fun and don’t worry about a thing, I’ll do your worrying too. I’ll just bill YOU later!
Sincerely,
GEORGE
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. Nah, couldn't be.
