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Keep it up , you could win a “Pulitzer “. I can see all your qualities 😉😉😉
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Anyone reading this would be crazy not to meet OP for an hour.
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Starting a nomination thread to get OP an invitation to NT.
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I’m assuming NT is some kind of mental health facility in your area.
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lol no
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A story about one breaks my heart.
Beyond the horizon of the place we lived when we were young
In a world of magnets and miracles
Our thoughts strayed constantly and without boundary
The ringing of the division bell had begun
Along the long road and on down the causeway
Do they still meet there by the cut
There was a ragged band that followed my footsteps
Running before time took our dreams away
Leaving the myriad small creatures trying to tie me to the ground
To a life consumed by slow decay
The grass was greener
The light was brighter
With friends surrounded
The day of wonder
Looking beyond the embers of bridges glowing behind me
To a glimpse of how green it was on the other side
Steps taken forwards but sleepwalking back again
Dragged by the force of some inner tide
At a higher altitude with flag unfurled
I reached the dizzy heights of that dreamed of world
Encumbered forever by desire and ambition
There's a hunger still unsatisfied
My weary eyes still stray to the horizon
Though down this road I've been so many times
The grass was greener
The light was brighter
The taste was sweeter
The nights of wonder
The dawn mist glowing
The water flowing
The endless river
Forever and ever
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Interesting blog, Helena. I'll play
Years ago I was sleeping at my girlfriend's apartment and got up to use the restroom. When I returned to the dimly lit room, I noticed something unusual about her shape under the covers. larger and lumpy, facing away from me. Her hair was a matted mess and looked to have leaves or straw in it.
I heard a small noise from under the bed and when I got down on my hands and knees to look, I saw my girlfriend there, pale and terrified. She whispered, "There's someone in the bed" just as I felt something grab the back of my shirt.
True story.
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Interesting
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Wow seek, you were just randomly chosen for winner in a new category!
Lied to be in the contest Runner Up - a lie that was not only reminiscent of MySpace bulletin reposts, but made no sense. Maybe this is some kind of old 4chan bastard child copypasta i never saw.
Sure hope you were able to sleep alright with all those lawn trimmings in your bed and what sounds like a girlfriend so ugly she had to hide before your guest entered the room.
Isn’t it refreshing when a contest is erratic and announces winners in new categories with no competing entries? I’m getting sick of all this PC ‘fair’ bullshit where you wait until the end of a contest to start giving things away. In my day, the first kid to class got to skip the entire year. We need to bring back a complete lack of regard for logic, reason, sanity and lose any kind of touch with reality like the good ole days.
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 Thank you
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AFMadness, thank you for living the mission, purpose and values of this contest and blog, which are TBD. I will be sure to publicly announce what they are and how tenaciously you fight for them at a later date.
Don’t worry, they’re going to be extremely divisive, political, involve geopolitical issues that have gone unresolved for decades and countless people have died senselessly for. Which ones? I’m not sure yet, but stay tuned.
Winner of another new category: Best Original Poem That Moved Me and Talked about Magnets too
FXP Sent
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OP , Get a large dog to take on your walks.
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I actually already have a really big dog that sucks on a leash! I suppose next time I’ll think ahead and we can alarm the neighbors together by behaving in a garish manner.
FXP sent for ideas that inspire
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I had such a fun time last week, I�d be crazy not to see you again, or I�ll go crazy if I don�t see you again Helena. ��
I have a story I�m down to share; it�s not that crazy, but I think without context, my neighbors would definitely think I�m crazy.
So I live in the suburbs and my street has a lot of stray cats that the neighborhood will feed; I used to have an indoor cat, so I didn�t/couldn�t take any strays in, but I�d always feed them and pet/interact with them if they came by.
Anyways every now and then coyotes will come by and stroll the neighborhood at night usually after 10 or 11pm when people stop walking. I�m a night owl so I don�t sleep until midnight or a bit later. I�ve already seen two cats killed by some of them the past few years and have seen so many on my neighbors lawn & just sniffing around people�s yards.
So what happens when I see them? I take a sword from my house and start yelling and chasing them. I know we�re supposed to haze them, but I think I take it to the extreme and act a bit crazy LOL. I chase them down the whole street and yell with a sword in my hand. Of course I never plan on stabbing or hurting one, but something about my lizard brain feels good when I�m the �predator� and I�m chasing them and seeing them run and disperse in confusion and fear.
Many times I�ve been driving home and as I�m turning the corner to drive into my street, I�ll see them; I�ll literally drive by, get out of my car and start chasing them down the street and block until they�re away from the vicinity. I�ll get back in my car and patrol around and if I see them I�ll get out and chase them again lol
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Idk if it’s just me or are the punctuations glitching in my comment 🤷
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I had an interesting time with a lady I used to see regularly. We typically did 2 hour sessions. She was leaving the hotel after our time together, and I told her I would help her with her luggage. We walked together down to her car, and I don't know why I was thinking about it, but I didn't recall seeing her pick up an 'envelope' that I had left on the counter.
I politely asked her about it, and the look on her face was "oh my god!" She said, please wait her and she ran back to retrieve it. She came back several minutes later and said that the housekeeper was just down the hall and would have been to her room in a few minutes. She laughed and said, that would have been the largest tip that housekeeper would have ever gotten.
But it made me feel good, that she hadn't even thought about the envelope and it was just about our fun time together....
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Sonixpber are you on iPhone? I swore up and down you were making fun of the semi satanic symbolism all over my profile, I was impressed at the dedication.
You’ve placed as best in show in the category ‘Willing to go Marcellus Wallace on a Coyote’ please spend your FXP wisely, like on one of my mediocre albums or save it to have a half hearted contest with trivial prizes and low expectations.
I had a great time with you too, doll so ; * I will be back soon
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When I was in high school I was in an advanced art class that towards the end of it we got to go to the city museum and do figure drawings of live nude people. This portion of the class was 5 days. So it's like the third day and I smoke some weed before class and some saggy guy, probably in his late 50s early 60s comes in and we go through the normal routine of him doing a few quick poses while we warm up. After one of the longer poses the teacher I guess wasn't happy with the poses dude was doing and says something along the lines of "would anyone like to volunteer to suggest a pose" but my high ass only heard "would anyone like to volunteer to pose." So my 17 year old ass gets up there and sits next to this saggy naked old dude and I do a pose like The Thinker or Captain Morgan or some shit. And naked dude at first has body language like what the hell, and I'm thinking fuck off dude, you're the naked one, but he rolls with it and does his own pose and I see in all the students faces a mix of trying to hold in laughter and sheer confusion and horror. But eventually they all start drawing. And I'm just standing up there posing with some naked old dude like, why did I volunteer to do this, this is so awkward.
Finally the teacher is like "oh ok, that's the pose you want him to do? You can take your seat now." And I was like, fuck, she just wanted me to direct him to hold some kind of pose, I didn't need to stand up there WITH the motherfucker.
I learned a couple valuable lessons that day, the most important of which was don't get high before class.
A few weeks later my friends are like "let's go steal some beer from the Shell station in town. There's some slow dude that works there and if you just ask him about baseball he gets distracted enough to where we can walk out with a case of brewskies. So we go and it's my job to talk to the dude while my friends snag the beer. We get in there and it's the saggy old dude I posed next to. I don't want to go talk to him for obvious reasons but I'm too embarrassed to tell my friends the story to get out of it so I go up there. He's like wistfully looking out the window when I go up there and say "did you see the game yesterday?" And he starts talking but as soon as he looks at me he kinda pauses, like he recognizes me, but then starts talking again occasionally looking at me trying to place me. My friends grabbed the beer and left and I just bought a pack of gum and bolted before he could have the time to recognize me. I never went to that gas station again.
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LOL MisterPrefix this clearly didn’t happen in the last decade or there would have been an uproar about it. Also love that you managed to jam multiple TOS violations into one post and participate! I’m sending consolation FXP for when either this entire blog or your comment is deleted.
A special thanks to those who have sent their definitely a violation but pretending you weren’t sure stories directly to my inbox. I feel like Dear Abby for perverts, now all I need to do is look down my nose and give you incredibly obvious advice.
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Yeah iPhone; never realized that was a problem.. clearly I never blog here haha.. it should probably stay that way LOL.
Thanks for the FX points, very generous of you; was not expecting that, just wanted to share haha.
I will definitely be on the lookout when you are back in the area.. man it feels weird typing and avoiding words with apostrophe marks
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One time, I had just left work and was going to meet up with some friends at Mercado La Paloma in DTLA and then head to an LAFC game. As I'm waiting for my friends to swoop me up, I realize I need to go drop the browns at the super bowl. Anyways, I go to the restroom and head to the furthest stall and begin the superbowl. Anyways, the bathroom is a very simple bathroom with the polished cement floors that have a very satisfying sound when people walk on it. As I'm doing my business I hear the final person in the restroom wash their hands and leave the bathroom. All is well. I grab my phone to scroll, but I can't. No signal. Must be the cement floor and walls.
Then as I'm relaxing and getting halfway through my number 2, I hear the distinct sound of footsteps heading into the restroom. I could hear that these were not regular shoes, they were different. These were dress shoes, the click clack of the hard soles against the cement floor, reverberated against the tile walls. "No big deal, just another person using the restroom.", I thought.
Click-Clack...the steps get closer and closer. I see them from under my stall, inching confidently closer towards my stall. As they get closer, I notice that the shoes are black alligator shoes with a shine so pristine. They're almost too nice to be here...And just as I had the previous thought, I see them stop and turn to face the stall next to mine.
I relax...but just as I release my breath I see the shoes turn back to face my stall and stop. The person stands there, shoes pointing towards me. "What the he--", Before I can finish that thought I see the person's shoes slowly bend on the tippy toes, I look up towards the stall wall, which is open, and see 8 fingers appear over the edge. Then I see hair and some eyes peer at me, clearly smiling and lustful.
"Bathroom is occupied", I say nervously.
"I know", replies the voice.
"Umm--I'm taking a shit."
"Ohh, I knowwwwWWwwwWWww", replies the voice.
At this point, my asshole is sealed shut.
"Is this how it goes down? The day I have to defend the honor of my asshole?"
I then hear the person try and open the door. The door, cracks and creaks and the metal knob turns without avail.
At this point I look across the stall to see what weapon I have aagainst the person. What can I do?! My pants are across my ankles, I have half a turd in the chamber, no weapons, no belt, I'm gonna have to go full primate on this person. So I readied my hand in TP and popped a squat and readied myself to grab my only weapon...my turd.
The person peeks again over the stall...looks at me...I look at them. Face Off---
Out of no where the creak of an unlubricated door hinge breaks the quiet tension. Another patron enters the bathroom. As soon as the door slammed open, the alligator shoes drop from the tip toe and scurry away, I can hear the click clack fade into the empty night.
Confused, I try and resume my duties...and am able to finish.
I come out cautiously, expecting to find the booty bandit lurking in the halls of Mercado La Paloma. When I leave, I step past the sliding glass doors, the rush of night air hitting my blood rushed face. "Is this freedom?"
I looked down at my phone, I have signal now. A text tells me that my friends are pulling up. They arrive, I jump in. They tell me that I look like I've seen a ghost. I tell them that I have...the old me he's dead. The belief in the innocence of man, gone faded into the night like the click-clack of the steps of the man in the black alligator shoes.
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Gender neutral. Bah, humbug! Dont even get me started on all the pronouns like ze, hir, ver, per, fae, faer, etc! Back in my day there was either he or she!
I’m totally just complaining because I thought itd be the easiest way to get the 500 FX points lol. I dont care how anyone identifies. Although, I will say its tough keeping up with everything!
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I am really glad to see I’ve managed to cultivate a fucking blog that is just slowly more and more either copypasta or copypasta imitations so at this point everyone is just getting FXP if you put in even a modicum of effort
Let’s hurry and get this thing locked so I can stop handing out points
The only person who actually tried was AFMadness and his wasn’t even crazy it was just a beautiful poem
STEP IT UP Yall
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This story should be scary and funny
I was sharing a room with a friend some time ago , we were not ok HX , I knew someone who has a MASIVE weapon underneath his zipper . At that time bussines was low and my friend needed money . She asked to let her service the next person who reached because she need to go . I agreed . It was the guy who I described just a few sentences ago . I told her that he was big . I guess she did not believe me , I was trying to warned her . But she said she could handle it . The guy get in and I tell him if he could meet my friend , he agreed . A few minutes passed, loud moans later I get called to take care of bussines , my friends just tell me “ DONT KNOW HOW CAN U HANDLE ALL THAT”
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Scary rigrh ? Or funnny ?
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I already told you the story of whacking my head while trying to head upstairs with a gal from the Chicago Club and doing her while blood was trickling down my face.
So I guess I have to tell the story of f*cking the girl with no arms. Some sort of birth defect. We had met in an AOL chatroom -- yes, it was long ago -- and she invited herself over for a little fun. But didn't tell me she had no arms. And was about 4' 5". I have no idea how she drove like that, but she had some kind of adapted car. It wasn't too weird until she started stroking my face with what was basically a flipper.
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Im thinking of a story
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Helena, guess you had to be there....the panicked look on the lady's face knowing that a 2 hour session including a nice tip almost became a housekeeper's tip.....LOL.
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@HelenaUlinova
I really hope you don't think my story is Copypasta, because my story is legit true. Happened back in 2016 when I worked for an organization in South LA called CD Tech. Mercado La Paloma is a cool little public food court next to the DTLA DMV. Anyways, I surmise that I accidentally stumbled into a gay meeting spot.
I felt like Jim Carrey's character in Dumb and Dumber when he's in the truck stop bathroom and reads the sex message on the bathroom wall. LOLOLOL
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True story.
Me+Ukraine+Babushka+ Accent = Love Across Borders
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Dam Helena, That's twice you've made my day. After high hopes turned into crickets yesterday.
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Could this woman be the next Hunter S. Thompson?
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Lorenzo, I like my brain planted firmly inside my skull.
I always felt I had more of a David Sedaris or Augusten Burroughs style. Something in me really resonates with gay men and observational comedy/absurdity.
Or chuck palahniuk, but only in reference to the essay he wrote called “Guts.” Otherwise I have more overlap with his character archetypes than I do his writing style, sadly.
A good party trick is reading it out loud and seeing how many people you can get to leave and how quickly.
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Helenauñinova
So nice and helping the community, thanks .
My story :
I met a lady , she did all good , and since than , I keep seeing her once or twice a month for more then 2 years .
The end
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She lives
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If the comment news to be delegated , please do so
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I hope my story wins some points hahahahha
I remember I guy I met , he was asking for specials , and he said I’ll give u 100 just for the tip , I agreed to the deal , play time started and when the moment came , it wasn’t only the tip that went in , I turned my head and looked at him and he only said to me , “ I OWE YOU 300”
I want to make it longer but it’s best to keep it shot so more people read it
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